Modifications to the Rules of Golf - For Seniors Only!
Rule 1.a.5
A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed on the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled into the rough with no penalty. The senior should not be penalized for tall grass which groundskeepers failed to mow.
Rule 2.d.6 (b)
A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. This is simply bad luck and luck has no place in a scientific game. The senior player must estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there.
Rule 3.b.3 (g)
There shall be no such thing as a lost ball; the missing ball is on or near the course and will eventually be found and pocketed by someone else, making
it a stolen ball. The player is not to compound the felony by charging himself or herself with a penalty.
Rule 4.c.7 (h)
If a putt passes over a hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped. The law of gravity supercedes the Rules of Golf.
Rule 5.
Putts that stop close enough to the cup that they could be blown in, may be blown in. This does not apply to balls more than three inches from the
hole. No one wants to make a travesty of the game.
Rule 6.a.9 (k)
There is no penalty for so-called "out of bounds." If penny-pinching golf course owners bought sufficient land, this would not occur. The senior golfer deserves an apology, not a penalty.
Rule 7.g.15 (z)
There is no penalty for a ball in a water hazard, as golf balls should float. Senior golfers should not be penalized for manufacturers' shortcomings.
Rule 8.k.9(s)
Advertisements claim that golf scores can be improved by purchasing new golf equipment. Since this is financially impracticable for many senior golfers, one-half stroke per hole may be subtracted for using old equipment.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Thermals....
On a ski-ing holiday several years ago, an old classmate had a nasty accident. When receiving one-one tuition (this bloke really could not ski) he snow ploughed into a ditch.
Prone to pining on school trips for his mother (despite we were 16 or so) he was pretty depressed and had been feeling unwell. Anyway he hit this snow bank & "superman'ed it" into a ditch about 4 feet deep full of snow. Where he puked in panic, then shat himself. Liquid shit. Lots of it.
We were on this trip in Canada, a very cold country which was averaging about -30 when we were out there. He was wearing thermal long johns, two pairs of trousers, all tucked into his ski boots.
THe PE teacher who headed up this trip after somehow getting him cleaned up, then took a very large bin liner of stained clothing to the hotel reception desk and asked for it to be dry cleaned. So he told us afterward the receptionist opened it to have a look inside and nearly passed out.
Sorry for length, but had to tell the world.
Prone to pining on school trips for his mother (despite we were 16 or so) he was pretty depressed and had been feeling unwell. Anyway he hit this snow bank & "superman'ed it" into a ditch about 4 feet deep full of snow. Where he puked in panic, then shat himself. Liquid shit. Lots of it.
We were on this trip in Canada, a very cold country which was averaging about -30 when we were out there. He was wearing thermal long johns, two pairs of trousers, all tucked into his ski boots.
THe PE teacher who headed up this trip after somehow getting him cleaned up, then took a very large bin liner of stained clothing to the hotel reception desk and asked for it to be dry cleaned. So he told us afterward the receptionist opened it to have a look inside and nearly passed out.
Sorry for length, but had to tell the world.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Flight Conversation
A man boarded an aircraft at London and took his seat; as he settled in he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realized she was heading straight towards his seat and bingo! she took the seat right beside him.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, 'business trip or vacation?'
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said 'Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States'.
He swallowed hard, here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, 'What's your business role at this convention?'
'Lecturer,' she responded.. 'I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'
'Really', he smiled, 'what myths are those?'
'Well,' she explained, ' one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish,'
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. 'I'm sorry,' she said, 'I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name.'
'Tonto,' the man said.... 'Tonto Papadopoulos , but my friends call me Paddy
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, 'business trip or vacation?'
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said 'Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States'.
He swallowed hard, here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, 'What's your business role at this convention?'
'Lecturer,' she responded.. 'I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'
'Really', he smiled, 'what myths are those?'
'Well,' she explained, ' one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish,'
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. 'I'm sorry,' she said, 'I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name.'
'Tonto,' the man said.... 'Tonto Papadopoulos , but my friends call me Paddy
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